ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
