Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
