He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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