I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
