omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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