everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
