If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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