why didn't you poke me back
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
They took my balls.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You are a genius and a whore.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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