do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
