just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
