My liver just broke up with me...
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
