His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
