I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
