i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
