I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
