She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
