ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You pole danced in your parka.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
