if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Where is the hickey?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
