Midget sex pt 2 tonight
People with herpes should wear stickers.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
