I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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