Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
