i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
