we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
