I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
