No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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