This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
