i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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