I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
