Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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