Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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