I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
