yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
