guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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