Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
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Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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