oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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