he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
