If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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