Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
