Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
