you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
