Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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