I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
