i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
