I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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