Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
organizing the empties. That sober.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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