i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
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I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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