the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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