He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
