i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
