There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
