I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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