You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
