remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
