i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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