Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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