you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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