I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
