You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize