Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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